Homeschool Failure Breeds Contempt. I am officially telling the world that I am a failure beyond what I can even explain. Homeschooling has its good days and its bad days. Recently, I have been having a lot of bad ones. Please don’t let my photos fool you. Somewhere my world has shifted and I have lost sight of what I am doing. The white flag is being waved. You have been told.
The reality of homeschool is not what you see in pretty Pinterest photos or catchy Instagram captions. I wouldn’t call it a complete facade, but it is close. Last week was an eye opener for me in many ways that my head is spinning and I don’t know if I am up or down.
Homeschool Failure Breeds Contempt
Let me break the title down for you a little. Homeschooling last week was a nightmare.
That failure lead to me mentally beating myself up. Before you pat me on the shoulder and tell me I am doing good OR relish in my failure, I already did both. I thought to myself – we have bad days and weeks. Then I thought – nope, we are enrolling them all in school. Load up!
I am not alone in statements like that but last week really was bad. If you don’t know, my youngest – KB – has a speech issue. She has what is called Expressive Language Delay due to Apraxia. Apraxia can come in various speech problems and I am blessed hers in on the milder side. Truthfully, in the last year, she has excelled by leaps and bounds. Those leaps and bounds found her booted out of the speech program “because she seems like she is fine now”.
We are sitting at the table and she is struggling with the blends. My mini me, Rea, was listening. Apparently I suck at sounding off blends. I know my southern accent is thick because Siri on my phone struggles. I get it. However, I can’t have my 7 year old teach the 4 year old something I am suppose to. So while this mini issue is occurring, I am temporarily having my 6th grader self teach while my 1st grader has completed an entire week of work without me realizing it.
Here’s to the White Flag!
I’ve lost all “control” here. KB can’t get her brain to tell her mouth how to say blends properly. I am pretty sure she should be in PreK3 not PreK4 (which is PreK. Why do we put numbers with it now?). Rea is blowing through lessons without any instructions which makes me think she may be more advanced than originally thought. Then there is my first born. My child with no manual. The one who is starting to chart his teenage years. And he has taken 2 HOURS to write a 3-5 sentence paragraph. Oh. My. Word.
Then my Apple Watch sensed I needed help – it told me to Breathe. Thank you. I will. And I will leave my house because I am about to lose my mind.
I’ve come to the realization that I may not be cut out for the homeschool life. There I said it. Now everyone who has been doubting me for a couple years can get excited.
But I am not cut out for public school life because waking up before 8 isn’t happening.
Laugh if you want, but I can’t seem to pull myself out of the bed before 8. Neither can the kids so we’d all struggle for the entire school year then sleep the summers away. Aaahh, what should I do?
The kids are okay with school. I am blessed in that they really don’t care either way. I could get a job and actually “work for the man” which I haven’t done since … well, high school. Or I could keep homeschooling and constantly question if I am ruining my children’s lives because I have an addiction to traveling and showing them what is outside of their city (and sleeping past 8am).
Dearest Internet – I think I have failed.